Ernest T Bass on Crack!

Ah yes...where was I. Oh yes... The week following our "break" I gradually got worse and worse. On the Tuesday following Taylor and I had this terrible fight, because he finally confessed that he had stayed at his niece's that weekend because he was feeling too "Married". I , of course being the vent person that I was at the time exploded with a five minute tyrade and finished the phone call with my hanging up and refusing to speak to him for days. On that Thursday I arrived at his store with a mirror I had finished painting for the redo on his jewlery store. I had spent countless hours having this amazing Harley poster I had saved for years framed, old things reframed, picking out the new flooring, the light fixture and the rug that would transform the once tacky and garish jewelry store into a place of style and taste. I came in and spent some time just sitting there as he and Michael the thieving bastard that embezzled tens of thousands of dollars from him finished the end of business. Of course, no one knew this at the time. Anyway, I give him the mirror, they hang it on the wall and it completes the the room just as I hoped it would. As I am leaving I see the reflection of Taylor and him wispering and I couldn't get past this. I mean in only a few days...how could he have secrets from me in just a few days. I left that night and headed home, but decided that I had to see him so I drove to his farm. I sat out front so nervous of what I would find that I just couldn't take it anymore. So I took a couple of xanaxs to relax myself. I finally got the nerve to ask him to come let me in, which he did reluctantly. When I got to his house and came in he was terribly mean to me. He was furious that I was there and my condition infuriated him. I got off the couch and headed to the kitchen because I was hungry. He asked me where I was going then told me I couldn't have anything to eat. I returned to the couch where I started to cry and eventually fell asleep. Early the next morning I woke up and went to pee. He woke up and I climbed into his bed. He held me so tightly...he asked me to stay, but I knew I had to go to work. I left a while later and was leaving when I remembered he had the warranty information for the camera he had bought me for Christmas. I knew this was a nice camera, but I was concerned about making my mortgage and had considered returning it to cover the expense. So I jumped out of my car and ran over to get it out of his truck. I didn't ask him, because I wasn't sure if he would give it to me. According to him, he saw me and at that moment lost all respect for me. Please bitch. You never had respect for me or anyone for that matter, least of all yourself. I tried to call him several times that morning on into the afternoon. He never answered. I finally got his dad and he had said he left around nine that morning. I went to his store that afternoon and he told he had lunch with friends. That I am afraid was the moment that I started my out of control period. I had so little control of myself that I had no idea what I would do. I actually feared for my life, but was unable to control anything about my actions. The first thing I did was go to his house in the middle of the night. I couldn't go in because the gate was locked. I returned the following night with a bolt cutter and cut the lock off. I drove onto his property that morning and sat in my car looking at his house until daylight...when I left and tried to go home and sleep. After and hour or so, I was back in my car and called him to say I am coming over. I guess that is when he discovered the lock and chain missing from his gate. I never admitted to taking it off and throwing into the woods. I arrived with only one thing in mind getting into his house and checking the caller id to see who he had been talking to. I approached him as I got out of my car and noticed his pistol on the porch beside him. When I asked him about it, he said that I had told people that I wanted to kill him. Which is total horseshit. I never even wanted to hurt him. The only thing I wanted from him was his love. Finally after a few minutes, I said I have to pee and ran up the steps and through the kitchen and on to the bathroom with his phone. I had stashed a paper in pen in my coat. That morning there were many girls numbers on the phone I wrote each one down with their names. I never dreamt that one of them would be the one he would forsake me for and eventually marry. After that morning I tried anything to sleep. I ate five or six xanaxs, nothing. I cannot tell you how unnerving the entire time was for me. I had never experienced such an out of control period in my life. Then came the following Monday, Valentine's Day. Taylor had relunctantly said we could spend it together. So I went to the mall to purchase some pretties and to wear for him. I took his stuff to him that day and while dropping it off I saw two cigarette butts in a planter on his deck. That sight is what sent me off the deep end. I knew no man would ever do such a thing and that only a woman would be so crude. I started walking to my car, but never made it. Before I knew it I had picked up a rock and thrown in through the screen on his porch. The next thing I know I go over to the two small trees that had just been planted and ripped them out of the ground. I popped my trunk and threw them in. As I was going around my car I spotted the Gardenia bush, it was huge and I had always loved it. I drove over with my car grabbed the shovel out of my trunk and dug it up. I hoisted it out of the ground and threw it into my truck and drove off. I went straight to the dump and threw them all in the pile with all the other stuff they burn and went home. I spent the afternoon getting ready and kept trying to call Taylor, but for some reason my phone wouldn't work. Finally, go to a pay phone and call him. He tells me he cancelled my phone because of what I had done. He askes me about the plants and I lie, of course. I beg him and he says, "Why don't we do a raincheck?". I say, "There are no rainchecks for Valentine's day". I go home so crushed and devastated that I never slept a wink. I get up for work and arrive early, but am so paralyzed with grief that I am unable to function. I cannot even take a piece of paper from my inbox. I know I must get some help, so I start calling people. Anyone to help me. I finally get Suzy, she is nice and says,why don't you come down and talk to me for a while and perhaps you might need to stay for a few days, just to get you feeling better. So I just leave my office and head home to pack. I arrive at the hospital and am greeted by this nice lady who brings me to her office and we start talking. The next thing I know she is taking my picture and bringing me some lunch. I ask her if I can leave if I dont' like it and she says yes...so I agree and sign that paper. She tells me I should have been there months ago. she had been doing intake for like twenty years and has never seen someone so far off the charts in all this time. She says that had I come into the emergency room she would have put me in I.C.U. I laugh and say I am a functioning member of society and she very painly states that I was not functioning, I was existing. It was a moment I shall never forget.