Drivin' and cryin'

I woke up on this particular Sunday morning and knew it was one of those days I didn't want to be awake. So after my morning walk I medicated, two Ambien and five Xanax in hopes of sleeping through another otherwise miserable day...March 15, 2005. Only problem...I never went to sleep. So I decided to go shopping. I got in my car and immediately ran over one my Dogwood trees... Red flag...? No...I finally made my way to the interstate and headed to Macon about 50 miles away. Still not realizing that I am fucked up. I start crying and can't stop...why can't he love me...how can he let me suffer this way...I am wiping snot off my face...the tears are flowing I am reaching for something to blow my nose...anything to blow my nose. I finally find my sweater. Decide my music is not what I had in mind and while reaching for my XM radio out of the floorboard I run off the I doing 80 start sliding...all I can say is SHIT!!!!! The next thing I know I am hanging upside down in my car and a man says to me are you alright...my response...Yes. I unbuckle, fall on my knees and start crawling out of my car, he pulls me the rest of the way. He says go sit down so I stand up and walk away. As I make my way to a place to sit down I glance over and I don't even recognize my car. Where is it...? what is this pile of crushed metal...? I realize I am sitting on the ground and I don't do that, so I crawl over to what is left of my car and pull a mat out of the trunk. I crawl back over and spread it out. My hip hurts so I rest on my back with my hands over my head and find myself looking up at the clouds. A man comes over to me and asks if there is anyone he can call. I give him Taylor's cell number, but he says he is three hours away and can't do anything. The ambulance arrives and puts me on this board. Tapes my head to it and we drive off to the emergency room. On the ride they start taking blood and asking me questions. We arrive and they bring me into a room. A nurse is posted beside my bed who won't stop asking me questions. I realize now it was to keep me awake in case of a concussion...They take me to x-ray. The tech wants me to stand up and I respectfully decline stating I do not do bare feet in public places so he gets me some slipper socks. Turns out the only thing wrong is a broken toe. They return me to my room. After a while the state trooper comes in and starts questioning me. Apparently I was not driving my best and the witnesses claim many things...including drving erratically, and asleep. They take more blood to send the G.B.I. Crime Lab. I ask him if I look like someone who should have those words in the same sentence spoken to me. He declines to answer and goes through my purse. Taking each item out and asking what each one is. I answer and he eventually comes to my organizer. He goes through it very carefully, then returns it asking if I am no longer with Taylor. I say, No but don't remember saying anything to him. The only thing he didn't ask about were the two condoms I had in there. I had found them under my daughters sink in her bathroom. I figured, hell, if she can have them why can't I, after all there is a chance I may have sex again in this century. Then something very strange happened. As he is returning my license his hand touches my mine and immediately I fall in love with him because he has soft hands. I cannot explain it, I just do. He did say one thing to me..."You don't seem too upset." My reply was, " I am not hurt, there was no other car involved and I have insurance. I prefer to find the positive in most situations, rather than dwelling on the negative." No reply...Eventually, I leave when my friend Ro comes to pick me up. We go by the junk yard to pick up my meds from the car. I sleep kind of late, spend the morning on the phone with the insurance company and the car rental people. I decide to walk. I walked eight miles and never felt achy or sore in any way. Perhaps...perhaps